Benvolio!

well, we just finished the last show. It was kind of a bittersweet moment for me, since it was my last show in Klein theatre. The performance itself for me was kind of ordinary; while I tried to keep it fresh and stay in the moment, it wasn’t anything too far out there. It hasn’t really hit me yet that the show’s over. I’ve been living with this process for several months now, and it seems like it should be going on.

Overall, I feel like I really got to know my character in ways that I hadn’t previously in other shows, and discovered some of the really complex things about him. i was really worried about producing something cliche, but I think that I avoided that. I didn’t take the easy route of portraying Benvolio as a straightforward peacemonger, but I think that I at least started to explore the complex relationships that fuel his attitude towards violence, giving a deeper meaning to his lines. So I guess, I’m proud of the work I did.

We’ve finally reached the end of the process; the last show is tonight. I’m feeling pretty bittersweet about it, I love what this play has allowed me to discover about myself as an actor and a person. I think I’ve really come to relate to this person, who cares deeply for his friends but is insecure about his place with them, a guy who is always somewhat on the outside but desperately wants in.

My main concern for this weekend was keeping focused and staying in the moment, something I think I’ve done a pretty good job of. I’ve tried to keep in mind the stuff I’ve been talking about on the blog while I’m onstage, especially Benvolio’s desire to be part of the group, his insecurity about sex, and his complicated relationship with violence and honor.

a couple things have become more clear as the weekend has progressed. I’ve tried to make it more evident that the reason that Benvolio takes his sexual actions to such an extreme is because he is compensating for his relative inexperience in this field, which gives me some nice subtext to play with during the opening scenes. Also, I’ve become angrier at the death of Mercutio the past few nights, and less concerned with saving my own skin, as I had previously discussed. I think this is coming from a deeper sense of connection with Mercutio, and it has made my performance a little more forceful. Last night wasn’t quite as good as previous nights however, because I didn’t listen to “Seeing Red” by Minor Threat immediately prior to going onstage. Don’t think I’ll skip that again.

So the second week of the show has just finished, and I’m trying to continue to discover new things about my character. This was kind of a difficult weekend for the show because we had two injuries, a concussion from a falling palm tree and a cut lip from a sword fight. This sort of thing makes it a little difficult to focus because I get concerned about keeping myself and others safe, which takes me out of the moment a little. The main thing I’ve been thinking about is Benvolio’s views towards women and love. The first two scenes revolve around Romeo’s infatuation with Rosaline, and I try to talk him out of it. Taking into account Benvolio’s relatively young age, I think a lot of this stems from his relatively young age and inexperience with women. I don’t believe he has ever had a long-term meaningful relationship with anyone, and consequently views such relationships as the same, and largely interchangeable. Romeo’s obsession with Rosaline distracts him from the meaningful, masculine relationships that he has with Benvolio and Mercutio, and Benvolio wants him to simply move on.

We opened last night, finally. We had gotten to the point where I think we really couldn’t grow anymore without an audience, which is a great place to be at. I got a hat finally, which was a relief, because I didn’t think it would be made in time. Right now we’re in the middle of our second performance, and I think it’s even better than last night. I feel like I finally connected with the death of mercutio last night; I was weeping as I told Romeo that he was dead, which is really cool. It’s really difficult for me to connect that strongly to the text, and I have trouble using sense memory, etc. to make myself cry on command, so to be in the moment that much was a huge accomplishment for me. Tonight, I felt like my speech to the prince was very strong as well. It felt clearer to me that I was worried about being blamed for Tybalt’s death, and my speech stemmed from that better than it has been.

The rest of techs were a tough process, just in terms of the amount of hours I put into it. 4 hours of sleep a night is not enough, and I’m so glad it’s over.

We’ve moved back into the theatre, and that’s really exciting. It’s a wonderful new space. Another big change are the costumes, and working with them has been fun, and more than a little challenging. I no longer have the range of movement in my arms and shoulders, because of the fitted nature of my doublet. Also, I have huge balloon pants that make drawing and sheathing my rapier an interesting experience. I really have to watch to make sure it doesn’t go through one of the loops of fabric instead of my frog.

The rehearsals themselves can be a little bit frustrating. I know that’s always a part of the process at the start of techs, because the focus is placed more upon making the design elements work rather than the acting, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. There’s a lot of waiting around for things to happen, which can get frustrating and take you out of the moment. I’ve been trying to stay focused, and remember all of the little things like where I’m coming from, what I want, etc. with mixed success.

I’m still trying to figure out my relationship with Tybalt. I was toying with the idea of taunting Tybalt with my opening lines, sort of very transparently lying when I say “I do but keep the peace,” while really spoiling for a fight. I thought that it might make my character a little more dynamic, but it complicates my later scenes with Mercutio when I’m very worried for Romeo’s safety because of the challenge Tybalt sends to Romeo. If I’m spoiling for a fight with him, then I wouldn’t be nearly as worried about Romeo fighting him, because I’m not afraid of him. I thought maybe it worked because Romeo hasn’t ever fought anyone before, and I’m worried for his saftety, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t. I think now that I am relishing the chance to assert my authority with the servants, but Tybalt’s entrance rapidly diminishes my eagerness.

The scenes with me, Mercutio, and Romeo are still a little weird for me. Because I’m basically a third wheel for these scenes, with at most one or two lines, I tend to get shunted to the side. I can’t really escape the feeling that I’m kind of eavesdropping. I try to laugh at the jokes, but it feels kind of forced at times. I think Benvolio participates to an extent, but he also laughs at them as well as with them.

Anyway. I have to go onstage soon. We open in 6 days, and the campus is absolutely inundated with flyers, posters, and other marketing materials. Ticket sales have been really strong, and buzz has been good. It’s a little bit unnerving; rehearsal can be a bit of a cocoon, and then to have people not involved in the show suddenly talking about it makes you realize just how big a thing this is, and puts a lot of pressure on to perform well.

I’m really bad at this blogging thing. I think it’s because I like to process things. Oh, and the 18 credits, job, and rehearsal thing. Whatever. Anyway, here’s what’s been going on:

We finished choreographing the fights for the show the other day, and I no longer get involved in either the Tybalt-Mercutio fight or the Tybalt-Romeo fight. I was pretty disappointed by that, not only because I don’t get to wave a sword around, but because I thought it made my character more interesting when he had to blatantly lie to the prince. However, the discoveries I made earlier when I assumed I was going to play a more active role still stand. Benvolio still isn’t interested in peace between the two families, he just likes to pick his fights–it just so happens that he doesn’t particularly want to fight Tybalt. I think that if there is any character in the play that Benvolio is truly wary of, it’s Tybalt. The play sets him up as a direct opposite to Benvolio in pretty much every respect, and I think that the fight in act 1 is probably not the first time we’ve crossed swords. Even though I have the scene where I ask Mercutio “why, what is Tybalt?” I think the question is less about finding out information about him, and more about covering up my own fear of Tybalt in front of Mercutio. Therefore, when he comes onto the scene in act 3 looking for a fight, Benvolio is happy that Tybalt picks a fight with Mercutio and not him, but wishes that it could occur somewhere more out of the way. Once Mercutio dies, he is prepared to fight with Tybalt, rage having clouded his judgement a little bit, but Romeo pushes him out of the way and it becomes clear that he has claimed Tybalt for himself. I think that the reason I don’t get involved in that fight is at first shock at Romeo’s boldness–he attacks an armed man with his fists and quickly gains an advantage– and then he transitions back into his calculating mode. Romeo seems to be doing well, and therefore there is no need to get involved unless things start going badly. Once Tybalt dies, my primary concern is covering up our involvement in the fight. When the prince asks about who begins it, I play upon his relationship with Mercutio to cast Romeo in a positive light. I think it’s telling that I completely remove myself from any part in the altercation, and that my speech to the prince somewhat mirrors my speech to Montague in 1.1. Mainly, I try to center all the blame on Tybalt, whom I hate, and cast him in the worst light possible, not only because of my relationship with him, but because of my hatred for his family and a desire to protect my own.

I’ve also been working on the opening scenes with Romeo and Mercutio. I want to convey the sense that Benvolio doesn’t put much stock in Romeo’s poetic idea of love, and create a sort of playful relationship with the other characters onstage. I think he’s fascinated by both of them, because they put themselves out there in a way that is somewhat antithetical to who Benvolio is.

We moved back into the theatre on thursday. The set looks amazing, and the renovation is stunning. I just am worried about being swallowed by the set and the costumes. The production values are very high, and I am very conscious of living up to them. I sat out in the house and watched the last few scenes in rehearsal yesterday, and it was occasionally hard to hear the actors, so I’m going to be careful about that. The next few rehearsals are going to be more about the transitions between scenes I think, and we’re going to need it. It’s going to be tough to get everything on and offstage in a timely manner.

11 days left !

This weekend was a major turning point for me in terms of my character, and caused me to rethink a lot of things about who Benvolio is. It started with our first fight rehearsal on Sunday. We got to handle our weapons for the first time, and began to block out some of the choreography for the fights. A few of the things our fight director said really stuck with me, and got me thinking. We started by blocking the opening fight scene, and it becomes very clear that Benvolio isn’t quite the nice guy he seems to be at first glance. For starters, the servant characters are all carrying dirks and daggers; none of which are any longer than about 8-10 inches in length. I, on the other hand, have a 3 foot long rapier, giving me a significant fighting advantage over them. So, when I burst onto the scene, pull the servants apart and draw my sword and speak my lines, I am not just entreating them to stop, I am threatening them, and it becomes readily apparent because of our weapons how real that threat is. It really gives Tybalt’s line “drawn and talk of peace?” a lot more meaning.

So that was one thing. The second thing is the fact that our fight choreographer is going to have me take an active role in the fight between Mercutio and Tybalt, and possibly the fight between Romeo and Tybalt in scene 3.1. That is really interesting for two reasons. First, my line “We talk here in the public haunt of men/Either withdraw unto some private place/ or reason coldly of your grievances/ or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us,” is not really asking them not to fight. The first thing Benvolio suggests is that they go somewhere else to fight–he isn’t concerned with preventing bloodshed as getting caught doing it. The second reason this is interesting is that if I do actually fight Tybalt again, that means that my whole speech to the Prince about the fight is a lie in order to cover up my own involvement and make Romeo’s guilt seem less.

The result of all this is that Benvolio is a much less passive character. It becomes clear that he hates the Capulets just as much as everyone else in his family; he just wants to be smarter about fighting them. He is much more conniving than I originally thought; the reason he sits back and watches everyone else around him is because he is fascinated by human behavior, yes, but he is not afraid to get his hands dirty when it benefits him. I think he presents this facade of a peaceful character, but only so that he can pick his battles with great care. It makes Mercutio’s lines about “thy head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat” make much more sense: Mercutio, being the astute judge of character that he is, has actually pierced through Benvolio’s public face.

We had our first blocking rehearsal last night, and are now in the middle of our second one. It’s really nice to get the play up on it’s feet; it helps me figure out what my lines mean. Just out of these two rehearsals, I’ve learned a lot about just how awkward my character is. The scene between Romeo and Benvolio aren’t so bad, but it really comes out in the scenes where Mercutio joins into the mix. I think Benvolio is just overpowered by the force of the personalities around him. Between the two of them, he just kind of sits back and lets them take charge. He observes them, and the other people around him. I think it is somewhat telling that at two different points in the play, people come to him to report on what is going on, and while this has something to do with him being in the right place at the right time, I think that he really is a student of human nature. Maybe this has something to do with his reluctance to get into the middle of the fight between the two houses. In addition to fearing the law, I think he genuinely sees the damage hate does to his friends.

One of the scenes I had the most fun with was blocking the party scene. Prior to this, Benvolio talks a big game about meeting women, and I think he is genuinely excited about it. But then Gregg has me going straight to the refreshments table instead of dancing. It’ll give me a chance to really play up the whole shy personality thing, as well allow me to observe everything that goes on.

Memorization is going, but it’s a slow process, I really am very concerned about getting every word right. I can’t wait to not have to have the text in hand; it’s hard to remember my scansion when I’m just reading it. I know that I’m supposed to scan it and then forget it, but I think that it has pointed me to some really profound moments in my lines. For instance, in the scene where I am telling the prince everything about the fight between Mercutio, Tybalt, and Romeo, I have a line that’s missing like 4 beats. It’s a great place to kind of be overwhelmed by everything, and really heightens the next line about how angry and bloodthirsty Tybalt is.

We haven’t had any rehearsals since the first readthrough on thursday night. I’m kind of getting tired of my apartment walls. The readthrough went well though, it was clear that a lot of people had put some thought into their lines already, and that they were really committed to the show. However, it’s hard for me personally to connect and really make choices while I’m sitting down and not really in the moment, so I’m really looking forward to when rehearsals start in earnest, if we ever manage to dig out of this snow.

I’ve been thinking about how Lady Capulet’s lines affect me in act 3. Mercutio and Tybalt are dead, and I’m heartbroken but trying to save Romeo’s life by telling the truth, and out of her rage, she calls me a liar. I feel like that is a particularly horrible affront to Benvolio, because he strikes me as an intensely honorable person. Not only that, but he is telling the truth to prevent further bloodshed, so Lady Capulet calling him a liar in order to kill someone else would be the antithesis of everything he stands for. Unfortunately, I have no more lines, so I can’t express my displeasure that way. Obviously I will have to wait till rehearsal and try out different things, and see which one feels best in the moment, but right now thinking about it makes me want to spit at her, I’m so disgusted. That seems a little strong, however, and would probably disrupt the scene horribly. Maybe I’m just so broken up already that this doesn’t even register, or pushes me completely over the edge in terms of grief.

I’m memorizing my lines, which is my least favorite part of the process, but better to get it out of the way than have it hang over you.

Okay, a lot has happened in the last couple weeks, and I’ve been super swamped so I haven’t posted in a while. So, I’m going to play a little catch up.

So far, I’ve had another costume fitting, 2 vocal rehearsals, and the first ‘official’ rehearsal where we were introduced to the design and directorial concepts for the play.

In relation to my earlier post about the costume, I asked Kevin about my pants. He said that while the tightness of the hose was meant to call attention to my calves, the function of the balloon-like pants was to show off my relative affluence as well as my family ties. The fact that I am wearing such extravagant clothing attests to my position in society, and displays my affiliation with the Montagues. So, Benvolio is a wealthy young man who doesn’t have to practice a trade, and can wear clothing purely for fashion. The stockings accentuate my calves, which are considered attractive, and I also have a codpiece, to call attention to the fact that I am a virile male. He also said in the first ‘official’ rehearsal that my clothing is in a much ‘newer’ style than that of the older Montagues, so there is apparently some teenage rebellion going into my chosen style of dress.

In vocal rehearsals, we have been exploring the text, and finding ways to discover more about our lines. Pretty much, this has consisted of saying a set piece of text over and over in different scenarios (ghost story around a campfire, cocktail party, etc.), as well as a little bit of scansion work. It all seems kind of elementary to me, and the sort of stuff covered in Voice and Body class, but hopefully it’ll help. Since I had already scanned my lines, I was kind of hoping to be able to ask specific questions about a few of them, but I didn’t really get an opportunity.

The official start of rehearsals was a little bit intimidating, because it became apparent just how much work and money had already gone into the production. It really made me want to do myself proud with this, more than I did already. The set is going to be incredible, but I foresee some absurdly difficult scene changes. Pity the poor guys on shift crew.

However the most momentous stuff that has happened in relation to Benvolio has been happening out of rehearsal or class. Typically, most of my thinking about this stuff happens when I least expect it, because as a creative process, it’s difficult to set aside time to really do work on it; you just don’t know what’s going to inspire you or spark your interest. A lot of the thoughts I’ve been having have occurred when I’ve been walking somewhere. Something about being outside and moving gets me going, so I think I’m going to start having regular walks by myself. The main thing I’ve been exploring is how Benvolio can justify his aversion to violence. Since Romeo is his best friend, he must have strong family ties, but he doesn’t let them force him to violence against the people who should be his sworn enemy. But according to Mercutio in act 3, my “head is as full of quarrels as an egg is full of meat.” So why do I constantly try to stop the two sides from fighting? One explanation I’ve come up with is that I fear the consequences from the law should the two sides come to blows. But it occurred to me that maybe the reason I don’t want them to fight is because I don’t want my friends to get hurt, which is certainly a stronger choice than fear of the law. Mercutio’s admonishment could arise from the fact that I will willingly argue with anyone over anything, but when it comes to backing up words with a blow, I shy away from it. This interpretation is only possible due to a cut made in the text we’re working with, however. Mercutio says that when I enter a tavern, I put my sword on the table and announce “God send me no need of thee!” but the cut portion of the text says that when I get a few drinks into me I draw it. So maybe I haven’t found the answer yet.

Another thought I’ve been having relates to my relationship to Romeo and Mercutio. Paul Morris, who is playing Mercutio and also is keeping a senior project blog (paulmorris.umwblogs.org) has posted about how he doesn’t think that Mercutio really likes Benvolio, and only tolerates him because of Romeo. While we haven’t really discovered anything about it in rehearsal yet, this thought gives me something to play with in terms of our relationship. I think Benvolio really wants to be liked by both people, and looks up to them. If his actions are motivated by a desire to be liked as well as a bit of hero worship, it informs a lot about him. He wants Romeo to find a girl because he wants Romeo to be grateful to him, he tries to stop Romeo and Mercutio from fighting Tybalt because he doesn’t want them to get hurt, and he is especially wounded by Mercutio’s death because not only has he lost someone he considered a friend and someone he looks up to, Mercutio curses his house, and by extension, him. He will never get the approval that he so desperately sought, and now, Mercutio is dead, and Romeo, because he slew Tybalt, is most likely destined to be executed. In that moment, Benvolio believes that he has lost the two people he cared most about, and it is his fault, because he didn’t stop them.

We have our first read through tonight. I’m pretty excited.